I often fight with her.
It’s like she’s having a laugh at my hardships, pushing me constantly in the wrong direction – but I fight! Trust me I do, yet she’s indulging, she’s way more exiting than me, a thrill seeker, a seductress. When she’s in charge I get to experience every little thing in extreme volumes. She drowns me in all my insecurities, and then picks me up by showering me in mischievous desires and harmful yearnings.
I give in a lot, she stand triumphant watching me spiral out of control, judging me by my pathetic weakness, laughing…
When I win, it’s bittersweet. I stand strong, but she’s still there, in the shadows smiling menacingly, reminding me of what I’m missing.
It’s an everyday battle, at times I’m overpowered, at times I rise, but I’ve come to realize that maybe she’s just there to help, to show right from wrong, to help guide me.
After all she is me.